Scapegoats and Exes
Ever run into a former colleague after leaving the organization, and instead of hearing about all the great things that have happened since you left, you learn that the company has blamed you for many of its misfortunes – to the point of even lying about your behavior? If you’ve never experienced it, you’re one of the fortunate ones.
If this has happened to you, you know all the emotions that accompany this situation – shock, hurt, anger, etc. You’ve essentially been made a scapegoat for wrong within the organization without ever knowing it. What’s worse, your name is being besmirched, and all of the individuals you thought would stand up for you based on the quality of your work are nowhere to be found.
You begin to question things like:
Why wouldn’t they just call me to confirm before spreading lies?
Why would they make something like this up? What do they gain?
What is the point of all the posters with Values and Principles in every location, when they are tossed at the first opportunity?
You think all of those things, and then it hits you, “I left them – not the other way around.” It’s not dissimilar to being in a relationship, deciding it’s time to end and move on, and realizing your ex has been badmouthing you to anyone who would listen. You do feel hurt because you truly put your heart into the relationship, and yet these falsehoods are being spread. It also hits you as to why you left the relationship. Something wasn’t right, and you could sense it. It affirms, “They are an ex for a reason.” The lie tells way more about them than it does you. It doesn’t mean it hurts any less.
I tell people I coach all the time, “Whenever you leave the company, just know that everything wrong that ever happened will be blamed on you.” Many don’t believe it, but often will come back months later to tell me, that unfortunately, I was right.
In most cases, it isn’t the lying that actually hurts the former employee. It’s the fact that no one challenges the lie. It’s that the lie often flies in the face of some supposed value or principle the organization holds. It’s the fact that telling a lie indicates their level of integrity is different from what you thought it was. An organization that builds its foundation on principles it is not willing to uphold has no foundation at all – just empty words.
It's why I wrote my first book, “You’re Worth It! Navigating Your Career in Corporate America.” One of the first Truths I call out is that “The Company Will Always Do What’s Best for It.” It not You. Unless your name is on a wall somewhere, you’re expendable. Sometimes even if your name is on a wall, you’re expendable! The relationship you believed was based on trust, respect, integrity, etc. is only a financial arrangement and nothing else. That’s a hard pill to swallow when you sacrifice 5, 10, 15, 20, 25+ years of your life to an organization and, in the end, you realize it was simply a transaction.
I read an article this week where a plane crash survivor wasn’t asked by his supervisor how he was doing after the crash – he was only asked if he would be attending the planned trip the following week. Ouch! I wish that were a one-off, but it seems to be more the norm than the exception.
I watched another colleague provide feedback about the bad behavior of a senior leader - behavior which was inconsistent with the company’s values/principles. They shared the feedback in front of a room full of other senior leaders. The colleague was speaking the truth, but at the end of the feedback, it was clear what was happening. All of the other senior leaders in the room had decided she didn’t fit in anymore, and they left her hanging. Not one senior leader came to her defense. Not one.
And this is why human-first leadership is the only way to run an organization. Deeds over words. Actions over rhetoric. Don’t tell me your values/principles – show them to me. And show them to me when it’s difficult, not when it’s easy.
I believe we are in the midst of a quiet revolution in which companies will be held accountable not by shareholders but by the employees within their walls. I believe employees are quickly reaching the point where being treated as a “resource” to be discarded is no longer acceptable.
Over the past few weeks on my CoachHa-Keem.com blogs, we’ve talked about treating employees like your son or daughter. A concept I pulled from the late Bob Chapman that resonated with me. Most of us wouldn’t lie about our kids or family members. Most of us would seek every option before terminating employees. Yet – that does not appear to be the posture of many organizations today.
I feel it. I think you do as well. The tides are turning, but “Leadership at the top” isn’t seeing it. They’re disconnected from it because they’re disconnected from you. Yet, they’re quick to tell you about company values.
Remember that friend who left the company at the beginning of the story? We all know someone like them. Next time you get a chance, ask them how many of those leaders called them after they were let go. Where did those values/principles go?
Lies are hurtful. But I contend it’s better to know the truth even if it’s someone telling lies about you. Because once you know the truth, you can plot the next steps forward with confidence.
Until then, keep finding ways to lead others, as you would your precious son, daughter, nephew, niece, family member, or dear friend.
Coach Ha-Keem
